I was young (18+), lonely, and unbelievably hard-working.
Most of my evenings were spent in the office.
I even stayed late on Fridays and weekends because the project was genuinely fun.
And then there was him.
A blonde guy with a good sense of humor, easy to talk to — and also my boss.
Our team was small, so we’d go out for lunches, celebrate milestones with wine and shisha after work… And as the project grew, there were suddenly more lunches where it was just the two of us.
I’d never had a real boyfriend before — just strange half-relationships — so my standards for romance were low.
I wasn’t thinking,
“I’m about to have an affair”.
I was simply enjoying my life: my work, my team, myself.
That year, I doubled my income and finally could afford a dermatologist, a stylist, better skincare, better clothes.
For the first time, I looked and felt genuinely beautiful.
What actually happened
Affairs with your boss are both glamorised by TV (hello Cinderella fantasies) and treated as taboo in the workplace.
Part of me knew it was a bad idea…
But the night we kissed, adrenaline shot through my veins.
I felt desirable.
I felt powerful.
Honestly, I felt like the “IT girl from the movies.”
(Again — I was very young.)
We even did it in the office.
But it didn’t last.
And honestly, calling it an “affair” is generous.
It was a situationship — chaotic, unbalanced, confusing.
We didn’t match.
And my self-worth was still so low that I naturally gravitated toward someone who treated me accordingly.
The moment everything clicked
Eventually, I realized something important:
I was being naïve (haha somebody knew it from the start of this story).
Until I fixed my inner world — my beliefs about myself, what I deserved, what I wanted — I would never attract a mature, emotionally available, successful man.
Like attracts like.
And I proved it when I met my husband during the period of my life when I was:
confident,
self-sufficient,
clear about what I liked and what I didn’t.
I had changed — so the men I attracted changed too (the whole “like attracts like” idea isn’t just woo — there’s real brain science behind it, If you want a post about the neuroscience of the Law of Attraction, tell me in the comments). I was obviously also very lucky to meet my man.
How it ended
The company soon hit financial trouble and did massive layoffs.
The last moment of our “situationship” was me throwing a piece of paper in his face after he said something mean to me in the office.
Months later, on Valentine’s Day, he texted:
“Hi, how are you?”
I ignored it.
And I was proud of myself.
What I learned
Before you start an affair, ask yourself:
Am I falling for a person — or for the idea of them?
In the early phase of attraction, we often fall for our projection, not the real human in front of us.
After what happened, I can’t say I’m completely against workplace romances.
Things happen.
People connect.
But the risks are real:
You could lose your job
They could lose theirs
Reputations can be damaged
And someone might have a partner or kids at home
Do your due diligence.
Keep your dignity.
But you do you…,
Alena Guzharina (@alena.speaks)
Psychotherapist & coach, speaker and content creator
Book an intro coaching session with me
www.alena-speaks.com
P.S. You can try to guess who my boss was, but some of my early work experiences aren’t shared anywhere publicly. This letter isn’t about calling anyone out. It’s for the women and men who find themselves navigating complicated feelings and careers at the same time.